Cadey has finished her first week of Kindergarten. Being a shy girl, she was a bit nervous to start at a new school where she didn't really know anyone in her class. All four of us went on the first day, and she seemed to do pretty well. Didn't really want us to leave, but we were ushered out anyway. I shed a few tears, but after talking to Mom and B, was a bit soothed. When I picked her up at the end of the day, she told me all about her day, seemed happy, and said she had a good day. BIG PRAISE!
Day two did not go as well. Matthew and I walked her in, and she began to cry when I told her goodbye. The teacher helped her to get busy putting her backpack away and checking in. I made it to the car before tearing up.
Day three was about the same as day two. Not bad. Not great.
Day four ripped my heart out. Cadey started fussing about not wanting to go to school at about 7:30. Then, she became rude, mean, loud, and disobedient. I tried to be patient. I tried to be understanding. I tried explaining. Then I just told her we were going and began to count her each time she was disobedient, rude, or mean. That girl is stubborn!!!!!! By the time we left for school at about 8:10, she was in full-on tizzy mode. I basically had to drag her to class, crying all the way (her, not me.) Cadey was crying so hard that she could barely breathe. The teacher helped me try to distract her, but she wouldn't be soothed. I gave her extra hugs and kisses. And we said another prayer. Finally, the teacher took her to her desk and talked to her. Her red, tear streaked face, and the look on her face as she looked at me leaving will forever be burned into my heart. I was crying when I left. I didn't even make it to the car that day before losing it. I just couldn't console her or myself. Was I throwing her to the wolves? Would she be forever scarred? Would she come out of her shell and make friends? So many questions I had. I still do.
Day five, Friday, went better at drop off for one reason: Daddy was going to the school to have lunch with Cadey. She was excited. So, getting into the room and getting settled was easy. However, Daddy reported that leaving from lunch was much like the previous day's drop off. Cadey crying, trying to pull the teacher (who was holding her hand) down the hall after Daddy. SIGH!!!
Let me explain one thing here: I am not shy. Never have been, don't ever plan to be. It's just the "Dakins" in me. So, Cadey's shyness is hard for me. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I know that once she gets comfortable, she will come out of her shell. But, the coming out has NEVER been so painful or so traumatic before. I think about my little precious girl in that BIG school with ALL those kids and ALL the new experiences and I just want to wrap my loving arms around her and hold her forever. I know I can't do that. I know that I must open my wings so that she'll learn to do the same and soar.
So, for now, both Momma bird and baby bird are staying close to the nest. I'm coaxing for more flight time, but also comforting my wee one upon her return. I see her potential to soar. She just needs to flex her wings for a while to learn the air currents. One day, she'll be so happy riding those currents she'll forget all about being out of the nest. And then, she'll truly soar!